


Torn

by JayCKx



Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying, Fighting, M/M, Panic Attacks, Unrequited Love, Yelling, this one's really angsty boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 10:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11507901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayCKx/pseuds/JayCKx
Summary: It had been inevitable. It had been slowly ending from the moment it begun. It was destined to die, and it was destined to hurt, and nothing they could do would stop it. It was cruel and they tried so hard, but it was impossible.





	Torn

**Author's Note:**

> This one is hard angst, guys. Warning: There's panic attacks, screaming, crying and fighting.

It had been inevitable. It had been slowly ending from the moment it begun. It was destined to die, and it was destined to hurt, and nothing they could do would stop it. It was cruel and they tried so hard, but it was impossible.

Patton should have known that he and Logan wouldn't work out.

But he had tried so, so hard, to make it work. He loved Logic, he knew he did, but the short amount of love and happiness there relationship had brought him was now slipping through his fingers like sand, and no matter how hard he held on it just keep sifting away.

Morality and Logic weren't like magnets, they weren't opposite forces that were drawn irresistibly to each other.

No, they were water and oil. They would never mix, and it was a mistake to try, as it would never work, no matter what you did.

And they had kept up the pretence for so long, put up walls and smiles and avoided topics and tried to dodge fights and arguments, but now the walls were crumbling and the smiles were turning to tears and the fight raged like no other.

Morality couldn't even remember how it had started, probably over something stupid. But now everything they had locked away and tried to forget and ignore was bubbling up and spilling out, and harmful words were being flung and everything hurt and he was still yelling and so was Logic and what were they even fighting about he didn't know he just wanted it to end he hated this he hated fighting why was Logan still yelling he was crying why wasn't Patton trying to fix things what was going on why wasn't this working he didn't even know what he was saying anymore but he could hear every insult and shout that Logan flung and everything hurt so bad and everything was so loud and scary and angry make it stop make it stop make it make it STOP!

He screamed.

Patton's hands flew up to cover his ears and his eyes screwed shut tightly against the world, legs giving out and sending his body sliding to the floor, sobs wracking his body and making his breathing unsteady and painful. Hot tears dripped onto the kitchen floor from two pairs of anguished eyes.

This couldn't be fixed.

They were broken.

****

Anxiety curled in tighter on himself, a mountain of blankets serving as a fort between him and the outside world, his hoodie his armour, the screams echoing through the mind the eternal enemy. The sounds of vicious fighting, of pained screams and furious yelling, of sobs being torn from sore throats and ruined minds, and Anxiety's own thoughts, were seeking to destroy him. They crashed against his dark blanket mountain like waves pounding the beach, slowly eroding and eradicating whatever stood in its path. And it was unending, how long had the fighting been going on? The fighting between Anxiety's two best friends, between Logan and Patton, the horrendous arguing between Anxiety's favourite couple, the pained screams of anger and sadness and fury that pierced through his armour, had been going on for aeons now.

It wall that he could hear, all that he knew, and he couldn't breathe. Anxiety tried desperately to pull in oxygen, but his breathing was obstructed by everything and nothing, and he was panicking, and he couldn't escape and nothing was alright, tears were sliding in endless trails down his face, hot and salty and he was shaking and there was no hope, no light, no escape, only pain and fear and he couldn't get out of whatever was pinning him down and he couldn't think and the yelling went on and on.

And then cool air was caressing his tear soaked face, and light pricked behind his closed eyes, and somebody had lifted up his blankets. He tensed with fear, and opened his eyes, to be met with a familiar face. Prince.

Roman's face was illuminated by light (he must have turned the lights on when he came in, Anxiety dimly realised) and his skin was pale, his hair messy and eyes suspiciously red. His eyes were full of concern and worry, a veil that hid the fear dancing underneath. His normally pristine clothes were crinkled, and his expression had been pulled into a frantic, jittery frown, and he was talking. Or at least, he looked like he was. His mouth was moving and his hands were gesturing and he was staring directly at Anxiety, who could only stare back wide-eyed and trembling under a pile of blankets, drowning in his oversized hoodie. He couldn't hear anything Roman was saying, all he could hear was his own faltering breathing and his uncomfortably loud and fast heartbeat. He was like a deer in headlights, staring uncomprehendingly at Prince.

Soon Prince seemed to realise Anxiety wasn't understanding anything he was saying, and his face somehow fell even more. Anxiety had to be imagining the sheen of moisture that shone in Roman's eyes for a minute. Anxiety ducked his head and shuffled back into his hoodie again as he remembered why he was here, and he tried to regain control of his breathing because his lungs were starting to burn but it just wasn't working. And then strong, warm arms were pushing the blankets off him and wrapping around his middle. Anxiety managed to suck in a breath. Then Prince was sitting on the bed with him and pulling Anxiety closer, and he was pressed up against Roman, who was warm and soft but steady, and Prince was cradling him close, a hand petting Anxiety's hair reassuringly, his breathing purposefully slow and steady and exaggerated, and Anxiety took another breath.

****

Morality sat crumpled on the cold floor, head in his hands, breathing ragged and painful, tears wetting his glasses, his cheeks, the floor, his clothes. He was sniffling and crying pretty loudly, unable to keep the agonised feeling of sadness and hurt inside of him. He'd began to block Logan out, had stopped talking and yelling, had stopped everything. He just... cried and tried to stop hurting. He could vaguely hear Logic sniffling as well, and he knew without needing to look that he was angrily wiping tears away as they welled up.

"I'm-" Logan's voice cracked, and he took a deep breath. He sounded strangely muffled, but maybe that was because Patton's hands were still over his ears. Logic had stopped yelling now too, though, so maybe he could take them down. Maybe they could still fix it, even after how bad and horrible and painful that fight had just been. Slowly, Morality took his hands away from his ears and looked up, wiping the tears away from his damp cheeks and trying to wipe them out of his eyes (which was a vain attempt, because once he started crying it was hard to stop.) He looked up at Logic, who was standing on the other side of the room. Logan's skin was pale, but his cheeks were scarlet and eyes were rimmed with red. His eyes were bright with angry, unshed tears, and his hair was messy from where he'd been running his hands through it. His expression was torn, half angry, half sad. All miserable. It hurt Patton to see, and know that he was the one that made Logic look so distraught.

"Y-yeah?" Morality croaked quietly; he couldn't deal with anymore screaming. He considered standing up, but he wasn't entirely sure he could right now. He still had tears rolling slowly down his cheeks.

"I don't- I can't, Morality. I just can't anymore! It was great at the start, but it's just been getting worse and worse and I can't handle it anymore, I can't do it, I'm sorry but I can't!" Logan burst out, and tears fell out of his eyes and dripped down his cheeks and splattered on the floor, but Patton was frozen.

"W-what?"

"It's over, Patton. We're done. I'm sorry, but we both know this can't go on." Logic said, wiping his tears away, but more only spilled back over. Morality stared at his boyfriend, no, his ex-boyfriend, in horrified shock. He hadn't expected that, oh no, please no, god no, don't let them be breaking up, please, he still loves Logan, how is he going to deal with this, please no, please don't let this be happening, please!

"N-no, please, no..." A hoarse whisper dropped out of Patton's lips unwillingly. Logan sniffled.

"I'm sorry." He whispered back, then closed his eyes, putting his hands over his eyelids and sniffling, expression crumpling. Patton heard him sob once, twice, then Logic span on his heel and stumbled out of the kitchen, running down the hallway blindly. A moment later his door slammed, and Morality broke down once again.

Logic was gone.

They were over.

****

The yelling had stopped. That was good, Anxiety was relieved. The shouting had made him panic. Currently he was... what was he doing? He had his eyes shut and he was swaying back and forth. And he was warm. And he could hear a nice, pleasant sound by his ear. And his face felt slightly damp and sticky. Slowly, Anxiety opened confused eyes, to be greeted with the sight of Prince with his arms around him, slowly rocking them back and forth, humming softly.

Oh. Yeah.

A rush of memories flooded Anxiety; apparently he'd zoned out completely once he had gotten his breathing back under control. God knows how long he'd been out of it. But Roman had stayed with him, even comforted him. That was weird, and Anxiety didn't know how he felt about it. So he sat up straighter and shifted, (he was literally on Prince's lap, what the heck?) Roman flinched and looked down in surprise, and smiled weakly when he and Anxiety's gazes met.

"Hey, Sunshine." He teased, but his voice sounded kind of strained. Anxiety gingerly disentangled himself from the royal boy and flopped back onto his ned, curling up into a blanket.

"Hi, Princess. What are you doing here?" He grumbled.

"Well, I was helping you. You began to freak out quite badly when Patton and Logan were fighting." Roman explained.

"Oh, yeah, uh... thanks, I guess." Oh yeah, the yelling had stopped. Anxiety really needed to get his train of thought back. "Um, so did they work it out?" He asked, already feeling a bit relieved. Those two always ended up working things out. Anxiety waited for the cheery confirmation, but it never came. After a minute of silence, Anxiety frowned into his blanket and looked up at Roman. "Princey?!" To his shock and horror, Roman looked away, but not before Anxiety saw the thin sheen of tears glistening in the royal boy's eyes.

"I, uh, I don't think so." He rasped. "I don't want to worry you, but it's kind of unavoidable. The fight was really really bad, like nothing they've ever had before. And then Logan went running into his room and I don't know what Dad did, but... Anx, I think they broke up." He whispered, and a pit opened up inside Anxiety's chest.

No. No, no way, not possible. Morality and Logic couldn't have broken up! Please, no, they would both be broken-hearted.

"What?" He gasped dumbly. Prince nodded, and finally turned to look at him.

"Yeah." His voice was hoarse. "Are you okay?"

"I..." Anxiety was wide-eyed, struggling to take all this new information in. "I don't know. I don't think so." He finally admitted. Silence, and then,

"Me too."

That made Anxiety look up in surprise; catching Roman in a moment of weakness was a rarity. But Prince didn't even look ashamed, or try to cover it up, he just stared mournfully at his hands and fiddled absently with a blanket.

"Oh." Anxiety didn't know what to say. "Um... what would even make you feel better?" He asked awkwardly. Prince shrugged, but a light blush began to form upon his cheeks. Finally he answered.

"Can I have a hug?" He asked quietly. Anx was taken aback.

"W-what?!" He exclaimed. Roman immediately looked crestfallen. "Wait, no, shit, um... sure." Anxiety agreed a little reluctantly. Prince looked up, gloomy expression brightening just a little. He held his arms out shyly, which was a strange sight, and Anxiety nervously shuffled forward and wrapped his arms around Roman's waist, hugging him gently. It seemed to work, though, as Roman's breathing evened out pretty quickly, and his stance relaxed. Anxiety found himself enjoying the hug too, surprisingly. They stayed like that for a while, together in the cold silence of the mind, and eventually they leaned apart slightly.

And then Anxiety and Roman locked gazes. Anxiety was kind of uncomfortable, but he tried not to let it show.

And then Prince started leaning in.

****

At one point Patton had gotten up and slipped from the kitchen to the hallway, bolting clumsily to his room, trying to see through the heartbroken tears and attempting to muffle the inconsolable sobs tearing out of him. A vain, desperate attempt, really. The tears left a drip drop trail behind him, staining the carpet with splashes of sadness. He made it to his room somehow and shut the door, collapsing onto his bed and letting the tears flow freely. Morality's entire body shook with sobs as he realised what he had done, what Logic had done, what he had lost, what he no longer had.

That it was his fault.

No more Logic. No more late night cuddle sessions, no more playful teasing and deep conversations, no more bad jokes to make Logan get frustrated then let Morality kiss his smile away, no anything. And it was his own fault.

It felt like he was being stabbed, like his heart had been pulled out of his chest, ripped into 1000 tiny careless pieces, an left to blow away like dust on the wind. Patton had never felt any pain like this before. It hurt so much he didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't know how to function, he didn't know how to let it out. All he could do was sob and cry and regret.

****

Anxiety flinched backwards immediately, scooting to the other side of the bed, wide-eyed and staring at Roman.

"What the fuck?" He demanded. Prince looked completely and utterly confused.

"What?" He questioned.

"What was that? You just tried to kiss me, what the fuck Roman?" Anxiety screeched.

"I- I didn't... I thought you liked me!" He sounded so hopelessly lost and crushed, and it shook Anxiety to the core.

"N- no... Roman, do you have a crush on me?" He asked incredulously, lowering his voice. Prince's face was burning crimson, and he nodded tensely at the ground. "Oh my goodness... Prince, I don't like you like that!" Anxiety burst out, then realised how mean he sounded. "Just- shit, I don't... no, Roman." Was all he could stammer. Prince just nodded again.

"Right. I'll just leave, then." His voice shook a little, and Anxiety felt bad, but his mind was still blanking from the realisation that Roman liked him. How was he supposed to deal with that? Half the time Anxiety freaking hated Prince, he was so annoying, and the other half of the time he barely tolerated the guy.

"O-okay, yeah, good idea. Uh, bye." He stammered, watching as Roman stood up and walked to the door, eyes steadily fixated on the floor.

"Bye." He said shortly, still flaming with embarrassment, then shut the door and presumably walked away.

Anxiety still didn't know how to react. He didn't like Roman at all, but now he felt really bad because Prince had a crush on him. And all the emotions and feelings about Patton and Logan's breakup were catching up to him and he was suddenly so sad and scared and afraid and anxious again, and he felt terrible, and now he had nobody left to help him, nobody at all, because he had driven Roman away. What kind of horrible person was he? Now Prince would hate him, one of Anxiety's only friends would hate him so much, and Logan probably hated him too, and Morality, and they all hated him and it was his fault and he shouldn't have done that, he should have helped them, he should have done so many things differently.

And slowly, more tears began to leak, as Anxiety lost the battle against his own mind.

****

In Logan's room, there was a curled up ball covered by a single blanket, crying into the pillow, feeling heartbreak and agony for the very first time. Logic didn't know how to cope or deal with these feelings, he just wanted to scream into his pillow because it seemed like the only way to get at least a fraction of his pain out. It just hurt, it hurt so so much. I felt like his heart was being torn in half, which he knew wasn't physically possible but that's what it felt like. Heartbreak. And he had been the one to end he and Patton's relationship. It had hurt, it still hurt, and seeing Moralit break down like that was one of the worst things Logan had ever experienced. But the split had to happen. It was inevitable, their relationship was just getting worse and to attempt to continue for longer would just end up hurting them both more, but god, Logan didn't know how to deal with these feelings. All this pain was just building up, and he didn't know how to let it out, and it was welling up and bubbling inside him and he was crying, which was strange. The salty tears dampened his pillow, which was unpleasant, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

He'd never cried before.

He'd never hurt so much before.

He hated it.

Logan just wanted to run out of his room, wanted to stumble into Patton's and apologise over and over and have Morality forgive him, he wanted to crawl into his ex-boyfriend's soft bed and curl up under the blankets, he wanted to hug Patton and kiss him and be back with him, wanted to be comforted by him. Logic wanted to be happy with Morality, he wanted it to work out, he wanted to be with the normally bubbly boy but he couldn't!

And perhaps that hurt the most. The realisation of what Logan had lost, what he could never get back, the knowledge that he would never be able to do any of those things ever again. The fact that he would never be able to even look at Patton the same ever again.

So Logic cried, alone, because that was the only thing he could do.

****

Prince was laying face-down on his bed, silently shaking, still red and mortified. He had hoped, he had dreamed, he had truly believed... he had been deluded, and in love. With Anxiety.

Oh lord, how he had fallen. Somehow all the sass, the flirty remarks designed to throw him off balance had only worked to make Roman fall in love with Anxiety. And he had thought that Anxiety liked him back! He had even- he'd tried to kiss him. And he had been denied, forcefully. He had been wrong. Anxiety didn't like him, not one bit.

Anxiety probably hated him.

And oh, how that hurt. Prince had accidentally given his heart away, placed it in Anxiety's oblivious hands under the impression that Anxiety knew and would protect it, only to have it crushed to dust. Have it torn to pieces by the very person he loved.

A love that seemed unending.

A love that was unrequited.

And he had made a fool of himself! He had truly believed that Anxiety loved him back. Wow, Roman was an idiot. And now he was paying the price.

The embodiment of passion and love felt like his heart, his very being, had been broken. Pain shot through him in waves and spikes, reducing him to tears, crumbling his defences with ease and tormenting him with regret and self-loathing. How could he ever come back from this? Anxiety would never see him the same way, Prince had no chance, and yet he still loved the dark persona. The knowledge that the feeling would never be mutual, that he would be left to pine and love where he would never be loved back, was the root of all his fears, and it was suddenly wrenched into the light for all to see. If anyone had been here to seen him. But nobody was, there was no comfort for Roman, perhaps he didn't deserve it. Maybe he deserved the pain, for being such an impulsive, irrational fool.

And Prince continued crying, for what left was there for him to do?

****

And there was no happy ending.

From each corner of the mind came heart wrenching, spirit shattering, broken and pained sobs and cries, pulled from sore throats and an infinite chasm of hurt and heartbreak that grew in each personality as the seconds ticked by. Tears dampened pillows and blankets, stained cheeks and rimmed eyes with scarlet red. Sobs shook each trait's body, pulling choked cries from aching throats and burning lungs. Each person seeked comfort, searched desperately for a way to appease the hurt clawing at them from the inside out, only to find cold, unyielding isolation. No comfort or help was anywhere to be found.

They were all alone, each trapped in their own worlds of pain and suffering.

And they saw no escape.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on tumblr, @starlight-sanders


End file.
